Remember when an inconcievably small amount of air leaked from a football, and Tom Brady was labeled cheater and criminal? It was called Deflate Gate. International news.
Close your eyes and imagine a world where footballs are actually baseballs, and the NFL commissioner is Rob Manfred, and Aaron Judge is Tom Brady, and a scientific study is published proving that Rob Manfred juiced the baseballs exclusively for Aaron Judge, who broke the single-season AL home run record in 2022.
Before you open your eyes, I need to warn you — this is not a nightmare. It’s Manfred’s dream come true.
The evidence was so damning, Manfred couldn’t even deny it or try to cover it up. So, he did the next best thing: enlisted the most gooberish reporter on payroll.
Five minutes after the article proving Manfred’s fraud was published, the baseball world was turned upside down by a Jon Heyman tweet: “Arson Judge appears headed to Giants.”
Now, I am no conspiracy theorist… and I am not suggesting that the “Arson Judge” typo was sanctioned by the Commissioner himself. Maybe Manfred just told him to make a premature or incorrect Judge report, and the “Arson Judge” typo was a genuine Heyman fuck-up; a gift from the universe. We will never know for sure.
What we do know: the slam-dunkery that ensued from the typo compounded the next day, as it was revealed that Arson Judge was headed to Yankees, not Giants.
Very huge and conveniently-timed mistake by the MLB-employed reporter!
While the masses cheered each other on for posterizing Jon Heyman and his Arson Judge tweet, the bombshell research findings of renowned astrophysicist and die-hard baseball fan, Dr. Meredith Wills, were drowned out by the noise. God only knows how far an unscathed, emboldened Rob Manfred will go next year, and the year after that.
Does the media not care about crime anymore?